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So, I havenapos;t posted in a while, and some of you might be wondering what Iapos;m up to.

Short answer: A lot, but most of it is boring.

Long(er) answer: Iapos;m back in school and working. Classes are going well, but require a lot of study time, and I have a draft of my paper due in 2 weeks. Also, Iapos;m on the off-campus negotiations team, so there go my Monday and Tuesday nights for practice, and come Nov. 8th Iapos;ll probably be in Topeka Kansas. As for work, Iapos;m working two days a week, was working Fridayapos;s too, but had to drop that. In case people donapos;t know, Miyu and I have a dog, and have had him for about a year. Heapos;s a good dog, his name is Learned Paw (Law joke). If you have any questions about what Iapos;m up to, feel free to ask; I might even get around to answering. :-p
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It makes for a good breakfast
white cheddar cheez-its black coffee.
awesome.

so anyway, THIS time iapos;m listening to the Chicago soundtrack.
Our school is preforming Chicago for the spring musical.
i think i might try out for this one.
i would absolutely LOVE to be one of the girls from the cell block tango.
either the first one or the hungarian girl.
i could learn enough hungarian to get me through that.
i hope.
lmao


so yeah, i attempted to play the keyboard last night and found out i was just a little bit rusty.
and by a little bit i mean a lot.
xD
iapos;m back to choppy songs because itapos;s taking me a while to find the notes again. -_-
oh well, iapos;ll start practicing again and weapos;ll see what comes of it.
[:

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This is a technique developed from Paul Tholey. He stressed the importance of asking "the critical question"--"Am I dreaming or not?"-- as frequently as possible (at least five to ten times a day) and in every situation that seems dreamlike. Following this technique, most people will have their first lucid dreams in a month, and some will succeed the very first night.

COMBINED�REALITY�TEST WITH INTENTION SETTING

1. Do a reality test. Carry some text with you. If the characters are normal, stable, and sensible, then you are probably dreaming.

2. Imagine that your surroundings are a dream. If you are fairly certain that you are awake, then tell yourself "I may not be dreaming now, but if I were, what would it be like?" Visualize yourself as vividly as possible that you are dreaming. Intently imagine that what you are seeing, hearing, feeling, is all a dream. Imagine instabilities in your environment, words changing, scenes transforming, perhaps you are floating off the ground. Create in yourself the feeling that you are in a dream. Holding that feeling, continue with step three.

3. Visualize yourself enjoying a dream activity. Decide in advance, something you would like to do in your next lucid dream. Continue to imagine that you are dreaming now, and visualize yourself enjoying your chosen activity.

4. Firmly resolve to be lucid and to carry out your chosen activity. While continuing to imagine doing what you want to do in your next lucid dream, tell yourself firmly: "Next time Iapos;m dreaming I want to recognize Iapos;m dreaming and to do whatever I�want to do in that lucid dream." Repeat the resolution several times until you feel your intention is firmly set.




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I�donapos;t know if Iapos;m paranoid, increasingly annoying, or what, but I�canapos;t help feeling like Iapos;m out of the loop more and more, itapos;s really pissing me off.

Andie has this weird way of rubbing me the wrong way upon first words and she always manages to turn it around on me and say I have an attitude/anger/aggression problem.� Yeah well, when you kick someone every day for no fucking reason, it starts to make me angry and aggressive.� When you greet someone everyday with a dirty look for no fucking reason, it stops being funny and starts getting ridiculously annoying.� Andie always has to one up me, sheapos;s close minded (as liberal as sheapos;d like to present herself), and sheapos;s sooo gullible-sheapos;s ready to believe anything that fuels her own ridiculous fire. �

Monica has her shining moments, but sheapos;s really kind of a shitty friend, but as am I.� Maybe I just say too much, but she doesnapos;t ever seem to give half a damn about what Iapos;m saying.� I mean, I�listen, I�say bless you, I�help her with homework sometimes.� Where is the equity here ?

Shiva, oh lord, she is just selfish, selfish, selfish.� If her mouth had no filter the first thing she would always say would be "whatapos;s in it for me ?"� How old is she that she thinks making her boyfriend jealous will be a good way to fix their troublesome relationship.� I�mean, I know Iapos;m no one to talk about successful relationships, but from experience I�can recognize that as a recipe for disaster from a mile away (though Iapos;ve never pulled the make-him-jealous-card while IN a relationship).� To be completely brutally honest, I think Cesar is still with her because its apparent she isnapos;t going to quit.� How fucking selfish and thoughtless of her was it to take a headband I borrowed from someone and had to give back ?� Like obviously thatapos;s going to put me in hot water, and in order to save her image as my friend I have to lie and say I donapos;t know where it is.� Ridiculous. �

I donapos;t know,
I do not know.
I need to surround myself with better people.

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Today Iapos;ve been blessed with the most amazing luck.

Not only was I so lucky as to have another fight with my boyfriend, but along with that two of my good friends decided to start dating.

The first part, obviously bad.

The second part, bad because of my own selfishness. These two friends are the only ones I hang out with outside of school. Them getting together either means that they will become closer and leave me alone, or that they wonapos;t be compatible and will leave me in an awkward situation between them. Or I suppose from an optimistic point of view I can be a third wheel or in an optimistic but very selfish view, it just wonapos;t work out and� everything will be as it was.

Of course, I would be able to handle this fantastically if I had my boyfriend here with me. But heapos;s not, and I have incredibly bad social skills. So if these two get serious, I can most likely look forward to lonely days.

WoW, here I come.


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I�tried to overcome the apos;EDapos; voices today.� My counselor and my therapist have apos;teamedapos; up along with my teacher, and they basically laid the law down today.� I�am scared.� I�am frustrated.� I�know I have been gaining, and I�donapos;t think I�can anymore.

300 cal max. Tomorrow.� Iapos;ll try to please them and be done with it.� I know lying is bad, but right now I canapos;t eat my meal plan.� Iapos;ll have to play pretend for a while.� I am so overwhelmed with school and famiy - itapos;s so hard to challenge the thoughts.

I�donapos;t know - I�want to disappear.

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All of the dumb bitches at our school got into UCF adn i get fucking deffered....me cassie and noto...far more intellegent that everyone else who applied and got in with the exemption of Kristin Oharris.
Half the people i helped through highschool got in iwth no delay.... I get fucking deffered till my scores go up...how does a 910 get in and a 1050 doesnt?

My boobs are getting smaller as the weaks pass and B and Paul cant help but make fun of me
(ive gone from a C borderline D�to a struggling full C..ash is growing...weve pretty much switched bra sizes..i like her orange one anyway...BUT MY SKULL ONE oh the woe)
.... Both of them are gonna get hit in the balls.
i already got paul a couple times...once for a trashcan inccident...which was funny

lunch has been good. I guess the three of us have great fun. Like, i think it was quiet because of the tension betwixt teh kids, but one left, so its all good...odd how one person can make a diffrence in everything.
scarrlett has been stealing lunch, which makes it taste better. And we dine.and criteque people..theres this gilr who looks like a horse.

woody came by today, once more i hurt myself..theres a huge bruise on my arm...
ash was happy.
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